Your Ageing Parents: As The Australian Population Ages, Many Children Will Be Faced With The Dilemma Of Making Decisions For Their Ageing Parents. Are You Prepared?

Thanks to modern medicine’s ability to extend life, caring for ageing parents has become a very real possibility for many middle-aged couples—who are often already busy raising young children.

If you’ve noticed your parents getting a little wrinklier around the edges, it may be time to consider what the future could look like. When they’re no longer able to look after themselves, will they move into a nursing home, or relocate to your family home?

If, like many post-GFC retirees, their savings have been wiped out, who will pay the bills as they continue to pile up? Are you ready to become part of the sandwich generation?

The sandwich generation
If you’re currently raising young children and thinking about the possibility of caring for an elderly parent, you’re about to join a generation that finds itself in the unusual position of caring for two very different dependants.

Over the next 30 to 40 years, Australia will face one of the most profound demographic changes in its history — the ageing of a large part of the population. Are you ready to look after your ageing parents?

ChatGPT said:

Thanks to modern medicine’s ability to keep us alive, caring for ageing parents has become a very real scenario for many middle-aged couples—couples who, we might add, are often also busy raising young children.

If you’ve noticed your parents getting a little wrinklier around the edges, it may be time to start thinking about what your future is going to look like. Once they’re no longer able to look after themselves, will they move into a nursing home, or relocate to your family home?

If, like many post-GFC retirees, their savings have been decimated, who will pay the bills as they continue to arrive faster than the years pass? Are you ready to become part of the sandwich generation?

The sandwich generation

If you are currently raising young children and thinking about the possibility of caring for an elderly parent, you’re about to become part of a generation that finds itself in the unique position of caring for two very different dependants.

This generation has come to be known as the “sandwich generation” — people who find themselves caring for young children while also supporting ageing parents at the same time.

Journalist Carol Abaya, who helped get the term included in the Oxford English and Merriam-Webster dictionaries, says becoming both a parent and a caregiver to one’s parents is never easy.

Our society says adults should be able to take care of themselves,” she explains. “But as more people live into their 80s and 90s, and families are spread across the country, everyone is going to be involved somehow, some way, in elder care,” she adds.

Living in

Findings from a 2012 survey by Just Better Care show that 31 per cent of people in New South Wales would rather leave work and commitments to provide full-time care for their parents than place them in a nursing home.

“I see that as a very positive thing that so many people would want to look after a family member,” says founder and director of Just Better Care, Trish Noakes.

“It’s a significant sign. It’s a huge thing to say, ‘I’ll give up a part of my life’. It’s a lot of commitment for people. It shows that Australia, as a society, is prepared to look after their family members.”

If you’re planning to care for your parents in old age, maintaining some separation can be important for everyone, so it helps to ensure there’s space for a bedroom and bathroom of their own if possible, ideally on the same level as the kitchen and living area. A granny flat on your property is ideal — though perhaps not something teenage children hoping for independence would welcome.

If your home has unavoidable stairs, you may need to consider installing a stair lift or vertical lift. It’s not usually an immediate expense, but it’s something worth planning for as costs can come sooner than expected.

Finally, if you have siblings, you may want to think about sharing the responsibility. Rotating your parents’ stay between homes for a month each year can give everyone a break and some time apart.

The cost of ageing
While Australia may have largely avoided the worst of the global financial crisis (GFC), one lasting impact for older Australians has been the erosion of retirement savings. For many, those “relaxed and comfortable” years are proving to be anything but.

Longer life expectancy also doesn’t always mean better health, and the cost of ageing is rising due to expensive medication, hospital care and the need for suitable accommodation. Adult children hoping to make their parents’ later years comfortable may find themselves covering more costs than expected.

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If you expect to supplement your parents’ income or cover the cost of them living with you, it’s wise to budget for home modifications, medication and time away from work. You may also be eligible for a carers allowance, so it’s worth checking the criteria through the Department of Human Services website.

Even if you’re not directly responsible for their finances, that responsibility may still fall to you later. If a parent becomes seriously ill or dies suddenly, dealing with banks, insurers and superannuation funds can be difficult without a Power of Attorney or Guardianship in place.

“Encourage your parents to update their will and to ensure that they have Enduring Power of Attorney and Guardianship in place while they are still fit and healthy,” says James Gerrard of PSK Financial Services.

“This will ensure that a loved one who understands their wishes will be able to make financial and lifestyle decisions should they be unable to do so for themselves.”

Final arrangements

No matter their age or the life they’ve lived, the death of a parent is always painful.

If a parent dies at home, you will usually need to contact their doctor and a funeral director, who will guide you through the next steps. If it happens overnight, it is acceptable to wait until morning before making calls, giving you time to say your final goodbyes before the doctor arrives to sign the death certificate.

Emotionally, you may not feel composed. Numbness, confusion and disbelief are common, as is a sense of relief. These reactions are all normal, so it helps to process them as they come, give yourself space and speak to someone if needed.

Caring for an ageing parent can be difficult, but it can also be deeply rewarding. With some preparation, the final years you share may become memories you and your children hold onto for a lifetime.